On Sunday night, I drove my nieces and nephews and my children home in a snow storm, driving a van that wasn't mine. It was...not the best driving conditions I've been in. We passed the Field of Death that, on top of barely being able to see because of the snow, was blowing all sorts of debris at us. At one point, I passed a section of road littered with tumbleweeds. Nicole kept saying, "I can't see anything!" It was only after we got home that I learned from my three nieces and nephews who were in the back of the van how scared they had been. (I was less scared because I was driving and got to drive as slowly as I wanted - 35 at first, 15 toward the end, because of the skidding.)
When we made it to the main road, which is currently under construction, the stop lights were out. Fortunately, there was a large opening. However, our tires started to skid, so we pulled over briefly to check on the tires. I figured the van must be equipped with some sort of anti-skid measure, because of the orange light and picture flashing on the dashboard. A few cars sped past us, but when we turned left and were climbing a hill, we saw two of the cars on the side of the road with their hazard lights flashing. I ever so carefully turned right onto the next main road. As we were quite elevated, I took care to not drive over the side of the road (they don't have any sort of reflectors on the roads here, so it was a bit difficult to tell where the road was). On one occasion, we encountered an SUV stopped in the middle of the road. Anyway, when we finally made it home to my nieces' and nephews' house, I looked at their driveway and knew that we wouldn't be able to make it up. My nephew encouraged me to try anyway. Well, it didn't work, so they got out and shoveled snow and I went around the block. I made it back around and tried the shoveled driveway, but the tires just didn't seem to have the traction they needed. My nephew informed me that the front tire he could see was just spinning wildly. (I later compared the front and back tires and the traction on the front tires was pathetic compared with the back.) I backed up and tried using the momentum again, but it didn't work. I considered leaving the van out on the driveway, but my nephew said it has slid backward into the road before, so I'd better get it into the garage. I tried one or two more times, and finally forced the van up the steep driveway, all while the van was jerking this way and that, I was afraid I would damage my sister-in-law's only vehicle. We stepped into the house, so relieved to have made it home. I had asked my nephew to say a prayer that we would make it home safely, so we made sure to gather in a circle and say a prayer of thanks.
Anyway, after that ordeal, I was NOT going to drive that van in the morning. Since Nicole is missing four more days of school this/next week, I really didn't want her to miss another day; so amidst the chaos of herding six kids around the house to get to bed at a reasonable hour, answering their questions, a baby crying, phone calls, and trying to get on the computer (which apparently locked at 7 pm so I couldn't access it) to find someone's number to help get Nicole to school the next morning before the hour was too late to call, I snapped at Nicole while she was repeatedly asking me questions while I was on the phone. Unrepentant, I told her to go upstairs and brush her teeth.
After getting off the phone, I went upstairs to talk to her, still feeling sour. She hadn't brushed her teeth. Nicole drew the line, explaining with quiet defiance, and managing to keep her emotions at bay, "When someone yells at me, I won't do what they tell me to do."
I thought about it, and decided that was perfectly reasonable. Everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect. I'm glad that Nicole knows when she isn't being treated with dignity. I apologized to her, and agreed that she needn't obey me when I yell at her in a mean way (emergencies are different). After apologizing and talking with her, and restoring her human dignity, I explained why I had yelled, and Nicole adorably went into problem-solving mode - how, when I have so much to do, we could split up the jobs. Her solutions were disjointed, and she didn't really grasp the issue, but I offered that she could help by watching Allie, and she agreed that was a good idea.
I double-checked with the hubby afterwards about the line Nicole had drawn - I think it's okay for her to disobey when I yell at her, does he agree? It's like a civil disobedience. Sure, he said.
No comments:
Post a Comment